Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble. - William Shakespeare

'I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.' - Anonymous I'm having issues with YouTube today.. can't embed, so please click here for a message to all my friends.. from Vincent Price (can't have Halloween without him) Bela Lugosi.... THE Count... Speakin of which.. Now I'm a kid again... Ahhhhh! Sesame Street's The Count... LOVE IT!!! 1..2..3..little ducks! Turn up the sound and do the Monster Mash!! Come on it's fun!!!!!! And please... I said it in my last post, I'll say it again.. watch out for those little ghosts, gnomes, Fairy Princesses and cows tonight... Despite all the safety advice they receive from Mom and Dad, they still sometimes dart out onto the road.. Drive slowly! For Halloween Safety Tips, please visit the American Academy of Pediatrics website Love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” - Dr. Seuss

Quick post before bed.. I just had to share this..all that talk of Green Eggs and Ham in the Bunny... Here's a great skit by The Kids in The Hall.. sheer Genious! I know.. I'm going to hell in a handbasket! Oh... and that Damned Exorcist movie.. here for those who are too afraid to watch it... bunnies give you the basic rundown... Kittens, puppies and flowers... kittens, puppies and flowers... Please think of all the little kiddies who'll be trick or treating tomorrow evening, and drive safe! Make sure your Mom checks the candy before you eat it... Love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

‘Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.’ - Orson Welles

Ok.. so I’m all over the place today…. Ducks, pecking, and hunters…. How to avoid being pecked to death by a duck; other than becoming a Duck Master! I was doing some mindless searching and came across this article; I thought I’d share it with you…This advice is quite interesting, I like the twist put on it and quite frankly, I’m too lazy at the moment to write something original myself… Pecked to Death By Ducks Ever been in a situation where it seems like minor criticisms are all you hear? Sure, there are things you could improve, you know that . . . but a constant peck, peck, peck of negative feedback sure doesn't motivate you to change! One of my mentors called this gradual chipping away at one's self esteem, "being pecked to death by ducks." How to deal with it? There are ducks outside my window as I write . . . and I know that one sure way to make them go away, is to stop feeding them. Ducks need to eat a lot, and eat often, to keep going. If they can't get food from you, they'll try someplace else. So . . . how can you make this work for your brand of "ducks"? What about figuring out what there is about you that's FEEDING them? For example, are you reacting to their pecks? (Psychologists tell us that some people use a negative approach to get the attention they crave.) Are you working harder in response to their criticism? (When you do this, you are exhausting yourself and adding chocolate sauce to their dessert! The pecking won't end, I guarantee it.) I believe we feed our ducks when we take words of criticism home and brood. Most of us are programmed to take criticism much more seriously than we do praise, and many of us make almost a career out of taking criticism home to chew over . . . and over . . . and again. When Duck A criticizes me for DOING x, I have a choice. Take it home and make it last . . . or look the criticism in the face. If it's fair and valid, I may decide to stop x-ing (it's my choice). In fact, Duck A may have done me a good turn -- and one way to keep this in mind is to say (over and over if necessary), "It's about what I DO, it's not who I BE." A WORD ABOUT SYSTEMIC DUCK FEEDERS: Some organizations and groups encourage anonymous feedback, in the mistaken belief that this provides a safe environment for honest communication. WRONG! Anonymous feedback promotes dysfunctional systems . . . and dysfunctional systems are essentially "duck food silos." (I put a spin on an old mantra, "If you can't say it to his/her face, don't say it at all." Of course, sometimes we need help -- a mentor, an advocate, a companion, a safe structure. But whatever it takes, in healthy systems, constructive, behavior-focused criticism comes with a name attached, and if at all possible, is given face-to- face.) Finally: HOW NOT TO BE A DUCK: Before YOU criticize, think clearly. Figure out what is really bugging you. And then speak directly to the person with whom you have a problem. Use 'I' statements (a skill unknown to ducks, as far as I know). Rehearse ahead of time to be sure you're focused on behavior (Do-ing), not Be-ing. A good rule is to ask yourself, "How would this sound if she (or he) were talking to ME?" © Maureen Killoran, 2005 Maureen Killoran, MA, DMin, is a Life Coach with a passion for helping people connect their strengths with their vision. Maureen offers dynamic individual and group coaching, work team empowerment training, teleclasses, and a free monthly e-zine, "Seeds of Change." Watch for Maureen's forthcoming e-workbook, Spirit Tickling -- a selection of her absolutely best articles, with questions to lead you further on your path of personal growth. There is a link to a website for Ms Killoran, but I couldn’t get it to work… The funny thing is I found myself just last week making some of those points with a dear friend who is going through a rough patch… How to NOT be a Duck … it’s really good advice... hard to follow at times... but really good. Ducks make me think of hunting… A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" Revisionist History: 1995- Quebec Separatists were narrowly defeated when the question of whether or not Quebec should separate from the rest of Canada was modified by Jacques Parizeau at the last minute to ask the following: ‘Do my pants make me look fat?’. Initially throngs of people responded yes to the question… but it was determined in the end that it was not indeed the pants fault but the culprit was in effect POUTINE. So in the end… Poutine won over the pants... and Quebec is still a province in Canada (this one is for my fellow Canucks). ‘Then came the night of the first falling star.’ – H.G. Wells (The War of the Worlds) Today in History: October 30th, 1938- Radio program Mercury Theater on the Air presents Orson Welles' production of H.G. Wells' "War of the Worlds". The play, a fictional drama about a Martian invasion in Grovers Mill, New Jersey, aired on Halloween and sparked a panic among listeners. More than 1.7 million of the 6 million listeners reportedly believed the story was true. He was able to create that effect, because, unlike the original, under Mr. Welles’s direction, the play was enacted as if it were a news broadcast, with breaking news reports interrupting an orchestra (ok, by the way, I really love that band music.. always have, something I inherited from my parents). If you want to hear it, click here. The True Speech version worked very well for me. With our current instant news, just add water culture, it’s quite an interesting listen! ‘I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.’ - Orson Welles Love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

''I'm getting better'' - The Dead Body that Claims it isn't

This one's for you Vince.... Bring out yer Dead!!! The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead. [a man puts a body on the cart] Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one. The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead. The Dead Collector: What? Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead. The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead. Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not. The Dead Collector: He isn't. Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better. Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment. The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart. Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby. The Dead Collector: I can't take him. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine. Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor. The Dead Collector: I can't. Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long. The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round? The Dead Collector: Thursday. The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk. Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do? The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy. [the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club] Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much. The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday. Large Man with Dead Body: Right. We all know who the modern version of the Dead Collector is... BRUNO????? Is that you?????? Love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? -- Phyllis Diller

The internet truly is a fascinating place... I did some searching.. I don't know how I ended up on this topic but I thought it was interesting.. Here's some odd stuff to fill your brain: Reindeer like to eat bananas. - so stop leaving carrots for them at Christmas To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs-it will let you go instantly. - wonder how someone went about finding this out and testing the theory's validity statistically... imagine the add for this (If you have a suggestion.. please post it in the comment section). A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. - I'm not making this up... 75 people ever year die from playing 'Twister'. - Usually from smelling the opponent's... um.. feet.. yeah .. feet! Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. - seriously, how do they find stuff like this out?? Dana.. don't read this... Is she gone? Is it safe to post???? Here goes: It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs. - I warned you not to read this one Dana... Here's another one.... It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. - so what do you do with a cow in your basement??? Cows milk gives 8 in 10 people coronary heart disease. Cows sleep only 3 hours a day. Dolphins sleep with one eye open! - you would too if your wife slept only 3 hours a day...(I love you Dana!) According to one U.S. study, about 25 percent of all adolescent and adult males never use deodorant. - and I end up next to one 77% of the time in an elevator... On to other funny things.. go to Youtube.. and watch this: Let the professionnals do the grape squishing... Ok.. it's bad to laugh at another person's misfortune.. but gee... this has me howling!! ROTFLMOO... And to answer Friday's question of what also floats on water: I still blame the duck.. but I also LOVE the duck.. lurker that he is! Updated version of the French castle scene.... what people with too much time on their hands can do... And here is the original... in all it's glory.. complete with cow catapult!!! (Sorry Dana!.. but the cow did eat Yoda's wallet...).. **I'm hoping this doesn't THUD Trav, cause then I'll worry...** nudge nudge wink wink.. know wot I mean?!! I LOVE YouTube! And I love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

‘We apologize for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.’ – Monty Python

“Always look on the bright side of life.” And the silliness continues Today in history October 27th 1939: Today is John Cleese’s birthday.. the comedic genius who brought us the Silly Walk, The French guard, the Black Knight (before getting his limbs cut off) and Basil Fawlty, among so many others, has certainly had quite an impact on who I am and my sense of humour. After all, I have been known to tell people – the irony of this is too much and makes me giggle - : ‘Fetchez la vache’. (Hi Dana!) He once said: ‘He who laughs most, learns best.’ He also said: ‘I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.’ I’ve decided (what? It’s my blog and I’ll laugh if I want to.. laugh if I want to.. you would laugh too.. if you had a sense of humour… ok so it doesn’t rhyme.. SUE ME!) to share this with you… It’s still as funny as a Duck in a tiger suit… Axis of Evil Wannabees by John Cleese "Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. "Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're the best." "Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool." "International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable...." "With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". "Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell. "While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. "Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them." I love Monthy Python… and it got me thinking… What floats on water? If you don’t understand this, after I have hit you over the head with a shrubbery and the Holy Handgrenade of Antioch, you are to run.. NOT WALK, to your local movie rental facility, and rent Monty Python and The Holy Grail (you must also watch it.. simply renting it will do you no good at all silly). Go on... I’ll wait… 'Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!' Go on.. fetchez le film! I love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes (and a rub just for MaryFly!!)

‘The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limit.’ - Albert Einstein

Time.. Life. It all goes by so fast… I have, and I apologize, been remiss in my blogging responsibilities…seems I’ve been missed (Thanks Vince.. I think) – not sure why though. I’m in a bit of a silly mood (for a change) so this posting will be kept light, the weather’s too dark and depressing for me to delve into any deep thoughts.. unless they are provided courtesy of Mr, Jack Handey. "The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, 'Hey, I'm Vine Man.'" -- Jack Handey "Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny." -- Jack Handey The Darwin Awards I’d like to share with all of you one of my all-time favorite websites… ‘The Darwin Awards’ . It is, as they say: "Where Evolution Hits the Pavement". Where they ''salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it.'' This website makes you think that maybe, all those ‘How to for dummies’ books should be burned in order to accelerate the process of Natural Selection. In that vain, have you seen these warning labels? Bag of airline peanuts: "Caution: May Contain Peanuts" Package of batteries: "Batteries Not Included" Spear gun: "Do not point directly at face." Vacuum cleaner hose: "Keep Away From Penis" Box of animal crackers: "No animals were harmed during the manufacture of this product." Bag of potato chips: "Due to the law of averages, some unbroken chips may accidentally be included in this package." Restaurant bathroom: "Employees must wash hands before spitting in customers' food" Ashton Kutcher videos: "May cause nausea, headache or drowsiness." Box of Miracle-Gro plant food: "Not meant to be used on penis." Bottle of French dressing: «Apprenez svp à parler une langue étrangère, bâtards américains paresseux.» Cellular telephones: "Frequent use of this product while driving is encouraged by the American Organ Donor Consortium." Political campaign speeches: "Any claims or promises are meant as entertainment only and do not represent actual product performance." ATM machines: "Please Do Not Insert Penis" Florida voting ballots: "Not Legally Binding" The Bill of Rights: "May be modified, suspended or discontinued at any time without notice or liability." SUV gas caps: "A donation in your name has been forwarded to al-Q'aeda." ShredCo Industrial Penis Slicer: "Not Recommended for Use on Hot Dogs, Sausages or Cucumbers" Allright, I’ll admit it.. those are not actually real.. but they should be! (snarf)... So…. Here are a few real (seriously.. would I lie to you??!!.. don’t answer that, it was a rhetorical question!) actual, for real warning labels: In the product description pamphlet and website for ZOLOFT: Used to treat: Depression ‘Some people taking Zoloft might have some side effects. The most common Zoloft side effects are dry mouth, insomnia, sexual side effects, diarrhea, nausea, and sleepiness.’ Let me get this straight…And we take this to eliminate depression? How does turning someone into a tired, thirsty insomniac who lives on the toilet and can’t have sex help to eliminate depression? ‘Studies show that Zoloft is not associated with weight gain, so you shouldn't gain weight because of Zoloft.’ No kidding.. vomiting and diarrhea usually take care of weight gain, no? Seen on certain Halloween costumes (Batman and Superman costumes to be precise): CAUTION: Does not enable user to fly. I don’t even know what to say about this. Are kids really this stupid? Besides, even the real Batman can’t fly. Compressed air-duster canister: Intentional misuse can be fatal. Can someone please tell me what misuse I can perform that will kill me if I do it intentionally, but won’t if I do it unintentionally? Mark and Spencer's Bread Pudding Product will be hot after heating. I thought that was the purpose… On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. Read comment above…. Baby stroller warning: Remove child before folding. I’m sorry, but if someone needs to be told this, and the child is theirs, hence it shares genes with said supreme specimen of idiocy.. it deserves to fall victim to Natural Selection… 'In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.’ -- Konrad Adenauer And in my kids say the darndest things category.. Thanks to my dear sweet friend Duckles, aka my Sweetpea, aka Galford’s best experiment, who sent me this: Proverbs A grade one teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by grade one kids (6 year-olds), because the last one is classic! Strike while the ... insect is close. Never underestimate the power of... ants. Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty. Better to be safe than... punch a grade 7 boy. If you lie down with dogs, you'll... stink in the morning. It's always darkest before... Daylight Saving Time. You can lead a horse to water but... how? No news is... impossible. A miss is as good as a... Mr. You can't teach an old dog new... maths. Love all, trust... me. The pen is mightier than the... pigs. An idle mind... is the best way to relax. Where there's smoke there's... pollution. Happy the bride who... gets all the presents. A penny saved is... not much. Two's company, three's... the Musketeers. Don't put off till tomorrow what you .. put on to go to bed. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have .... to blow your nose. There are none so blind as... Stevie Wonder. Children should be seen and not... smacked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries. You get out of something only what you... see in the picture on the box. When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way. Better late than... pregnant! Love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

'What if there were no hypothetical questions?' – George Carlin

I’ve been juggling a few subjects lately.. starting to write about something.. then hitting a wall.. (Travis.. I’m still playing with the one about Stevie Ray.. and one about Jonas…)Or like a kitten, I find myself getting distracted by something shiny or sparkly and discovering a whole other topic.. and starting that one.. Have you ever started something only to find you don’t even know where it is you were going with it? And it turns out you never finish it? Or ordering something, taking three bites and although you usually LOVE that dish, it just does NOTHING for you on that particular day at that particular time…. Guess it’s the fun of life… Or maybe it’s what kids do to your brain… 'If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylum would be filled with mothers.' --Edgar Watson Howe 'In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul.' --Lisa T. Shepherd My chicklet is now in third grade… How did this happen? She’s growing up and there’s nothing I can do to stop her… I know she’s already smarter than I could ever hope to be… she’s the sweetest being on the face of this earth (like my sweet Amanda... and turns out she’ll also be quite the smartass)… she loves with reckless abandon.. hugs the living daylights out of those she loves (the dogs are fine.. no need to call PETA!).. and man does she scare me… She puts herself out there and it’s beautiful. I admire that in her. I listen, I read every blog from this little group (the ones I know of) and thanks to Vinny there are a bunch of them to read - ok I admit it… you started this Vince.. hope you are happy.. I said it out loud, tongue removed from cheek... it’s all about you and Jo of course! (cause itsallaboutJo).. I don’t post comments on them all.. but I read them because I feel privileged that I get to be a witness to their lives (is there a witness protection program.. or will I have to plead temporary insanity should I be questioned about any of my friends.. )…. Sometimes I feel compelled to encourage a gloating duck or kick someone’s stupid hubby… and sometimes I just want to say… ‘I wuz here’. But most of all… I want to make sure my friends know I love them, and that everything they say matters… even baseball talk… (is the damn baseball season over yet?) Revisionist History Today in 1964 It was announced that Nikita Khruschev was removed from his positions as premier and secretary of the Communist Party of the USSR. And it was also announced that he was going to like it. Today in music History 1988 The song "Red Red Wine" by UB40 topped the charts and stayed there for a week. Hiccup! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why we love children A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat but it was dead. ‘How do you know that the cat was dead?’ she asked him. ‘Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,’ answered the child innocently. ‘you did WHAT??!!’ the teacher exclaimed in surprise. ‘You know,’ explained the boy, ‘I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.’ A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, ‘Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.’ She says, ‘Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs, too.’ A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: ‘Da-aaad…’ ‘What?’ ‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?’ ‘No. You had your chance. Lights out.’ Five minutes later: ‘Da-aaaaad…’ ‘WHAT?’ ‘I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?’ ‘I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!’ Five minutes later… ‘Daaaaa-aaaaaaad…’ ‘When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?’ 'You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.' --Franklin P. Adams American journalist An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven?’ The boy thought it over and said, ‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!’’ One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, ‘Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?’ The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. ‘I can’t dear,’ she said. ‘I have to sleep in Daddy’s room’. A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: ‘The big sissy.’ 'Pretty much all the honest truthtelling there is in the world is done by children.' – Oliver Wendell Holmes It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress, and as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, ‘That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?’ The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, ‘Yes, and my Mom says it’s a bitch to iron.’ 'Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.' –Unknown When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year-old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. She said, ‘Mommy, you’re getting fat!’ I replied, ‘Yes honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.’ ‘I know,’ she replied, ‘but what’s growing in your butt?’ One day, the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read, ‘… and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling!’’ The teacher then asked the class, ‘And what do you think that farmer said?’ One little girl raised her hand and said, ‘I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!’’ The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes. That’s why we love kids… God bless them all! I love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

''I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter.'' ~Author Unknown

My friend Steve in England sent me this today.. and well, I think it just about sums up all I want to say on this rainy Wednesday.. Think about this one! A group of alumni, highly established in their careers got together to visit their old teacher while back for a class reunion. Conversation soon turned into complaints about the stress of work and of life. Offering his guests coffee, the teacher went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups, some exquisite, some expensive and some plain; telling them to help themselves to the coffee. When all the former students had a cup of coffee in hand, the teacher said, "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself, adds no quality to the coffee and in most cases, is just more expensive, and in some cases evenhides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups, and then began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this; life is like the coffee, and the jobs, money and your position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of the life we live. Sometimes by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee." So......enjoy your coffee. I love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." - Vince Lombardi

Time... I must first say that I am beyond relieved that Matt, Vince’s son made it through his ‘vehicular mishap’ in one piece. My thoughts and prayers are with them… Vince, tell me if this is true: "Between the ages of twelve and seventeen a parent can age thirty years." - Sam Levenson (- and does it stop at seventeen???) Today I met a man I’d spoken with on the phone several times as I was organizing a conference. As a safety manager my goal was to reach our folks with a deep and probing message, above the usual standard safety stuff.. And this man did it today, at least for a few people. He’s had a very interesting career path to say the least. He worked as a mechanic for a large corporation, a foundry... the type of business I was in before entering the fine world of chemicals. He was one of those people that people like me get ulcers over... the kind that have a safety record a mile long and take chances constantly. So, he’s been a mechanic, a reporter, an ambulance driver, an embalmer, a supervisor… and now... he’s an amazing motivational speaker, because what he says, he says from the heart… He has a voice, and today: he was heard. He makes no excuses for his behavior, he was often times reckless, and it cost him an eye, he can no longer lift things since he wrecked his back after a fall, and it will cost him his life. And time... time he won’t have with his 4 grandkids, 2 children and his wife... You see… he didn’t wear gloves, ever, when he embalmed bodies. And the inevitable happened. He contracted a very rare and deadly form of Hepatitis, he was infected through a cut on his finger. And he has now survived past the normal expectancy of about 12 years for someone with this disease. As I celebrated Thanksgiving with my Chicklet and Dad this year, and visited Mom in the hospital, I struggled with the knowledge that this was certainly Mom’s last Thanksgiving. He struggled with the same thought about the time he has left with his own family… He’ll get to spend what seems to be his last Christmas with his family this year... I do this every night, but I took a little extra time today.. do me a favor.. hug your kids, your spouse, heck, hug your pets… tell the people you love just how important they are to you.. this man doesn’t have much time left… and when his light finally does go out, the world will be a little darker.. And I’ll have a lost my latest friend… I love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, smooches and gropes!

‘An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.’ --Irv Kupcinet

‘As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.’ ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy Today is Thanksgiving in Canada… It is not the beginning of the holiday shopping season… Hey, as far as I know… there isn’t an actual day that heralds the call to arms, where women and men (wait.. who do I think I’m kidding.. most men wait til the last minute to go Christmas shopping) rush out to the stores wearing sensible shoes (wait, who am I kidding.. sensible shoes?! YUCK) in order to get the best deals and fight to the death for an ugly scarf for Aunt Betsy or brown slippers for Uncle Mike, or something original (read dirty) for the office Secret Santa gift grab yelling "CHARGE IT"!!!!! It’s a day for family, to remember how lucky we are to be alive, to get stuffed… ‘We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.’ ~Thornton Wilder Last post, when I turned **gulp** 37, I went through a few of the reasons I was thankful.. things that had happened to me since my last birthday (why, oh why do they insist on returning year after year?!).. So here are a few of the things I’m thankful for… My sweet and healthy Chicklet, who lights up my darkest days with a hug, a giggle, her smell on the pillow.. (ok, not the funky ‘I’ve been playing out in the grass and dirt’ smell… the one after a nice hot bath with plenty of soap…)… Roses, the sweet scent, soft petals… The feel of sunshine on my face (if I’m wearing sunscreen of course…) Walking in the rain (not freezing rain… a warm summer rain)… Candlelight (not the multitude of candles on my next birthday cake…) Making new friends and cherishing old ones… Laughter.. So here’s some Thanksgiving humour for you.. A Dozen Things you can say at Thanksgiving and get away with!!! 1. Talk about huge breasts ! 2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3. It's cool whip time! 4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst! 5. Whew, that's one terrific spread! 6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. 7. Are you ready for seconds yet? 8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it? 9. Don't play with your meat. 10. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in. 11. I didn't expect everyone to come at once! 12. You still have a little bit on your chin. Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey." The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?" REMEMBER, things COULD BE WORSE. You could: -wake up face down on the pavement. -put your bra on backward and it fits better. -call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold. -see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office. -see your birthday cake collapse from the weight of the candles. -turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city. -have your twin sister forget your birthday. -wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize that you don't have a waterbed. -have your car horn go off accidentally and remain stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. -have your boss tell you not to bother to take off your coat. -realize that the bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. -walk to work and find your dress is stuck in back of your pantyhose. -call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business. -have your blind date turn out to be your ex-husband. -put both contact lenses in the same eye. Yup… short post, but Dixie made me do it!! I love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

‘You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.’ - George Burns

I refuse to cry on my birthday, so today’s post will be silly and light… besides, I’m running out of tissues and I would rather die than use the community snotrag… so here are quotes, jokes, thoughts, and various musings that have raced through my mind today.. I’m getting older… as I was thinking about getting older (how come I feel like I aged a whole year in one day?????) I came across this quote that made me snarf: "Age doesn’t matter, unless you’re cheese." - John Paul Getty And it reminded me of a scene from one of my favorite movies.. (come on, you can guess, can’t you?) yup, Steel Magnolias: Ouiser Boudreaux: ‘You are evil, and you must be destroyed.’ Clairee Belcher: ‘Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.’ I’ve put off getting older as long as I could but it seems to catch up with me with dogged determination and stunning accuracy. What I want to know is: whose bright idea was it to invent the calendar?? ‘Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marchin' across your face.’ – Truvy Jones (Steel Magnolias) Yup.. yup.. yup.. So, another year... What do I have to show for it? -New and precious friends... What more could I possibly ask for? -I’ve learned to let go and post what’s on my mind and in my heart in this silly little blog of mine… -A renewed passion for music... courtesy of one Taylor Reuben Hicks (also a Libra I might add)... Now that I come to think of it, he’s also to thank for my new and precious friends... Wow! That man sure is an angel, isn’t he? -I’ve rediscovered the smartass that is hidden in me… ok it’s just about as well hidden as an elephant behind a twig... I know… but I found her again… -I have a whole new set of wrinkles from laughing… -I’ve been told by some poor misguided and far too kind folks that I can write... -I can’t look at cows the same way again… -Or onions for that matter… -I now have riot pants… -I became a Duck-Master! And countless other blessings too numerous to mention… “Will you still need me, will you still feed me. When I'm sixty-four?” – Paul McCartney (gee, that one didn’t work for him, did it??) I share a birthday with: -Stevie Ray Vaughan, blues musician (1954) – Travis, this one falls in the ‘Taken too soon’ category if anyone ever did… -Tommy Lee, rock musician (1962) – don’t hold it against me... -Clive Owen, actor (1964) – **sigh** and YUM! -Thomas Wolfe, American novelist (1900) – ‘Is this not the true romantic feeling; not to desire to escape life, but to prevent life from escaping you.’ In 1969 – my birthyear ( ‘…it was a very good year…’ ) -Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin become the first humans to walk on the moon. -Montreal defeats St-Louis to win the Stanley Cup (WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) -Woodstock, not Snoopy’s little feathered friend, but the Music and Art Festival, an event that shaped history and culture was held in Max Yasgur's muddy pasture in Sullivan County, NY. -Children's Television Workshop introduces Sesame Street. (I’m reminded of a song about a rubber ducky…) -Grammy - Record of the Year: "Mrs. Robinson," Simon and Garfunkel -‘Captain Kangaroo’ debuts on television.. (I LOVED that show!!!) Revisionist history (my twist on history…) 1981 Irish Nationalist at Maze Prison near Belfast end 7-MO hunger strike when the kitchen staff agreed to start serving something other than potato soup, Potato and Onion Skillet Fry, Potato Farls, Potato Stuffing, Potato Casserole, Boxty (Potato Griddle Cakes), etc, etc, etc, etc… yeah, yeah.. I know.. I didn’t promise it would be funny y’all (hey Vince… see? I said y’all just for you!) Now, as I am Irish… My Favorite Irish Birthday Toasts 'May God grant you many years to live, for sure he must be knowing, the earth has angels all too few and heaven is overflowing...' 'May the good Lord take a liking to you...But not too soon!' 'May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.' Odd… Many years ago a farmer couple gave birth to a son. They named him "Odd". When Odd began going to school all of his classmates teased him because of his name. He finally graduated school and got a factory job and once again all of his co-workers would poke fun at his name. Finally, he got married and lived and worked a farm, since he could not take being around people teasing him about his name. When he became 50 years old, he told his wife that he was fed up from going through life with his name. He told her when he died that would end it. No one would ever make fun of him again. He requested that his wife not put his name on his headstone, only the date he was born and the date he died. About 20 years later the poor farmer died. His wife wanted to honor his wishes and purchased his headstone with no name engraved; just the date he was born and the date he died. Today when mourners visit the cemetary they walk by and look at his headstone and see there is no name on the headstone and they always say, "Isn't that Odd?". A Rose by any other name… An elderly couple went to dinner at the home of some friends, also elderly. After dinner, the wives went into the kitchen and the two men were talking. One said, "We went out to dinner last night at a really good restaurant. I'd highly recommend it." The second man said, "What's the name of it?" The first man thought and thought, then said, "What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love, the one that is usually red that has thorns?" "Oh, you mean a rose?" said the second man. "Yes, that's it," said the first man. Then he called to the kitchen, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?" Eh??? An elderly gentleman finally invested in a hearing aid after becoming virtually deaf. It was one of those invisible hearing aids. Soon after, he went for a check-up. "Well, how do you like your new hearing aid?" asked his doctor. "I like it great. I've heard sounds in the last few weeks that I didn't know existed." "Well, how does your family like your hearing aid?" "Oh, nobody in my family knows I have it yet. Am I having a great time! I've changed my will three times in the last two months." I Love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!

‘Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.’- George Burns

Faith and love... you know, the small stuff! ‘Can miles truly separate you from friends...? If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?’ – Richard Bach I haven’t been posting lately, my mind being somewhat disorganized. I want to start by thanking my dear friends who have, through comments, e-mails, messages in chat and their blogs, sent my family and I much needed love, support, good thoughts and prayers. ‘He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly.’ - B. C. Forbes This weekend I took my father (who gets motion sickness when someone rocks in a rocking chair in the same room as he is – yes, it’s THAT bad) to see Mom at the hospital. Got him in the car, and drove the approximately 30 minutes it takes to drive into the city and navigate the side streets of downtown Montreal. He didn’t complain - and usually he uses the ‘passenger side invisible break’ at least 3 times in a drive of that length. Once we got to the hospital he walked what seemed like 100 feet to get in the building (the door which leads to an elevator just a mere 10 feet from where we parked the car is closed on Sundays... of course!) Okay, so it wasn’t 100 feet, but it sure felt like was, Dad walks slowly, he’s 86… remember watching George Burns walk in the final years? Once in the building I sat him in a wheelchair (why didn’t I think of it before the long walk… sheesh!) and took him to the ER (yes… she’s still in the ER as they don’t have a single free bed in the Oncology ward or the free world for that matter!) to see Mom. What came next was, well, it was magic. My mother knew that my father was coming and had asked my aunt (her sister who had come in from out of town to visit) to brush her hair. The most wonderful smile came over her when she saw Dad. In her eyes, I saw a young girl, giddy from her first crush. I pushed the wheelchair up to the bed and stood back as my mother took my father’s hands in hers - as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, my father is legally blind – he can no longer see the details of a person’s face, much less if her hair is properly coiffed. But my mother’s face is etched in his heart. She brought her head close to his and they kissed, and I watched them with some guilt. I felt like I was intruding in the most intimate of moments, as they talked to each other with their heads close, their foreheads touching. And I let them be alone together because I don’t know when or if my parents will see each other again in this lifetime. ‘In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.’ - Paul McCartney In the meantime, I hugged my aunt, and told her I love her. I thought she was going to cry in my arms, but the women in my family have been through a great deal and we know, there is always someone who needs us and we draw strength from each other. I know that as my aunt looked at my mother she was reminded of my grandmother’s cancer, the gauntness of her face, the frailness of her body. But my mother and her sisters are the strongest women I’ve ever met, and it’s a trait that I intend to carry on and so will my daughter. My aunt and I chatted about her husband, who has lost a leg to diabetes and is relying on her more and more, becoming less and less sure of himself … and about everyone else in the family who is going through a rough patch. And I know that when the end does come, I’ll be holding many of them together, as my mother did before me. I am not the eldest, as is my mother, but I have inherited her resolve and her role in the family. I could see that although he was happier than... no... that’s not the word… serene, I think it describes it better.. more serene than he’d been in a long time, Dad was tired. So I told him we’d go home and he could have a nice cup of tea and rest. He kissed my mother, and told her he loves her with such tenderness that even a non-softie like me can’t help but be touched by it. She beamed, and I forgot, for a moment, that she was ill. My father was the best painkiller she could be given. They had talked everyday since she was in the extended care facility and those little chats had made them feel closer, giving them strength. Much like chatting with my wonderful extended family that I love so much, my Soul Patrol brothers and sisters, has lifted me when I need support. But since she's been admitted to the hospital last Thursday, it was the first chance they had to speak.. to reconnect.. ‘Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists.... When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence.’ – Goncourt Seeing my parents together again gave me renewed faith and hope for the world… In that brief time… I saw Magic… ‘I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.’ - Shelby Eatenton Latcherie (Steel Magnolias) In the spirit of true love and great couples… "One day, the audience realized I had a terrific talent. They were right. I did have a terrific talent. And I was married to her for 38 years." - George Burns, about Gracie Allen. To get a sense of how well Burns and Allen worked together: visit the Old Time Radio Show catalog website and click on the ‘Sweeping into Office MP3’ ... if you don’t laugh, you must be dead! Allen Family Circus GEORGE Well, Gracie, any news from home? GRACIE Yes. I got a letter from my little niece, Jean. GEORGE What did she say? GRACIE She didn't say anything. She didn't phone. It was a letter, and she wrote it. GEORGE I mean what did she write? GRACIE It's Spring again, and my family is putting on a backyard circus, just like we did when I was a kid. GEORGE Every Spring you kids used to put on your own circus? GRACIE Yes. Of course, admission was free, but that was only for the people who could afford it. GEORGE Well, that's because we're living in a democracy. GRACIE Oh yes, isn't it nice.... Anyway, my Cousin Barney was the sword swallower, and what a performance he put on. The kids would cheer when he put a sword four feet long down his throat. GEORGE Could Barney really swallow a sword? GRACIE Oh, George, don't be silly, it was a trick. You know the scabbard that the sword fits into? GEORGE Yeah. GRACIE Well, before the show he would stick that down his throat. GEORGE I see. GRACIE Then when he'd slip the sword into it... GEORGE JOINING GRACIE ...everybody thought he was swallowing it. GRACIE Yeah. GEORGE It's a shame to fool the public like that. GRACIE But the admission was free. GEORGE Oh, I forgot. GRACIE And Uncle Otis was the strong man. He'd come out in a leopard skin and put big nails in his mouth and twist them between his teeth until they'd bend. GEORGE That's quite a trick. GRACIE Yes, but he looked pretty ridiculous walking around with all those bent teeth. GEORGE Well, they'd come in handy if he happened to get a crooked ear of corn. GRACIE Oh, you live and learn.... And Aunt Gertrude was the snake charmer. GEORGE Aunt Gertrude? The one who's so near-sighted? GRACIE Yes. She had a little snake and she was supposed to put it in a basket and then blow on a flute until the snake stuck its head up. And what do you suppose happened one Saturday afternoon? GEORGE She put the flute in the basket and blew on the snake. GRACIE Wasn't that awful! GEORGE That must have upset her. GRACIE Oh, George, it wasn't a real snake. It was just a few worms tied together. GEORGE Well, that's better. Who else was in the side show? GRACIE One of the big hits was Uncle Harvey and Aunt Clara. GEORGE What was there act? GRACIE Half man...half woman. GEORGE But didn't you have two halves left over? GRACIE Oh no, they both got into one costume. GEORGE Now I get the picture. GRACIE George, it wasn't a picture, they did it in person. GEORGE What was your part in the circus? GRACIE I was the lion tamer. GEORGE You were the lion tamer? GRACIE Of course I just used our house cat. For two weeks before the circus I taught her all kinds of tricks...to sit on a pedestal, to roll over, to play dead. GEORGE Sounds like a pretty smart cat. GRACIE Yes, but when she got in front of the audience she forgot all her tricks and just had kittens. GEORGE That must have caused a sensation. GRACIE It was...but what good was it? The silly cat wouldn't do it again for the second performance. GEORGE Say good night, Gracie. GRACIE Good night. ‘Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.’ – Truvy Jones(Steel Magnolias) I love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes.