‘Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.’ - Orson Welles

Ok.. so I’m all over the place today…. Ducks, pecking, and hunters…. How to avoid being pecked to death by a duck; other than becoming a Duck Master! I was doing some mindless searching and came across this article; I thought I’d share it with you…This advice is quite interesting, I like the twist put on it and quite frankly, I’m too lazy at the moment to write something original myself… Pecked to Death By Ducks Ever been in a situation where it seems like minor criticisms are all you hear? Sure, there are things you could improve, you know that . . . but a constant peck, peck, peck of negative feedback sure doesn't motivate you to change! One of my mentors called this gradual chipping away at one's self esteem, "being pecked to death by ducks." How to deal with it? There are ducks outside my window as I write . . . and I know that one sure way to make them go away, is to stop feeding them. Ducks need to eat a lot, and eat often, to keep going. If they can't get food from you, they'll try someplace else. So . . . how can you make this work for your brand of "ducks"? What about figuring out what there is about you that's FEEDING them? For example, are you reacting to their pecks? (Psychologists tell us that some people use a negative approach to get the attention they crave.) Are you working harder in response to their criticism? (When you do this, you are exhausting yourself and adding chocolate sauce to their dessert! The pecking won't end, I guarantee it.) I believe we feed our ducks when we take words of criticism home and brood. Most of us are programmed to take criticism much more seriously than we do praise, and many of us make almost a career out of taking criticism home to chew over . . . and over . . . and again. When Duck A criticizes me for DOING x, I have a choice. Take it home and make it last . . . or look the criticism in the face. If it's fair and valid, I may decide to stop x-ing (it's my choice). In fact, Duck A may have done me a good turn -- and one way to keep this in mind is to say (over and over if necessary), "It's about what I DO, it's not who I BE." A WORD ABOUT SYSTEMIC DUCK FEEDERS: Some organizations and groups encourage anonymous feedback, in the mistaken belief that this provides a safe environment for honest communication. WRONG! Anonymous feedback promotes dysfunctional systems . . . and dysfunctional systems are essentially "duck food silos." (I put a spin on an old mantra, "If you can't say it to his/her face, don't say it at all." Of course, sometimes we need help -- a mentor, an advocate, a companion, a safe structure. But whatever it takes, in healthy systems, constructive, behavior-focused criticism comes with a name attached, and if at all possible, is given face-to- face.) Finally: HOW NOT TO BE A DUCK: Before YOU criticize, think clearly. Figure out what is really bugging you. And then speak directly to the person with whom you have a problem. Use 'I' statements (a skill unknown to ducks, as far as I know). Rehearse ahead of time to be sure you're focused on behavior (Do-ing), not Be-ing. A good rule is to ask yourself, "How would this sound if she (or he) were talking to ME?" © Maureen Killoran, 2005 Maureen Killoran, MA, DMin, is a Life Coach with a passion for helping people connect their strengths with their vision. Maureen offers dynamic individual and group coaching, work team empowerment training, teleclasses, and a free monthly e-zine, "Seeds of Change." Watch for Maureen's forthcoming e-workbook, Spirit Tickling -- a selection of her absolutely best articles, with questions to lead you further on your path of personal growth. There is a link to a website for Ms Killoran, but I couldn’t get it to work… The funny thing is I found myself just last week making some of those points with a dear friend who is going through a rough patch… How to NOT be a Duck … it’s really good advice... hard to follow at times... but really good. Ducks make me think of hunting… A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" Revisionist History: 1995- Quebec Separatists were narrowly defeated when the question of whether or not Quebec should separate from the rest of Canada was modified by Jacques Parizeau at the last minute to ask the following: ‘Do my pants make me look fat?’. Initially throngs of people responded yes to the question… but it was determined in the end that it was not indeed the pants fault but the culprit was in effect POUTINE. So in the end… Poutine won over the pants... and Quebec is still a province in Canada (this one is for my fellow Canucks). ‘Then came the night of the first falling star.’ – H.G. Wells (The War of the Worlds) Today in History: October 30th, 1938- Radio program Mercury Theater on the Air presents Orson Welles' production of H.G. Wells' "War of the Worlds". The play, a fictional drama about a Martian invasion in Grovers Mill, New Jersey, aired on Halloween and sparked a panic among listeners. More than 1.7 million of the 6 million listeners reportedly believed the story was true. He was able to create that effect, because, unlike the original, under Mr. Welles’s direction, the play was enacted as if it were a news broadcast, with breaking news reports interrupting an orchestra (ok, by the way, I really love that band music.. always have, something I inherited from my parents). If you want to hear it, click here. The True Speech version worked very well for me. With our current instant news, just add water culture, it’s quite an interesting listen! ‘I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.’ - Orson Welles Love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!