‘The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limit.’ - Albert Einstein

Time.. Life. It all goes by so fast… I have, and I apologize, been remiss in my blogging responsibilities…seems I’ve been missed (Thanks Vince.. I think) – not sure why though. I’m in a bit of a silly mood (for a change) so this posting will be kept light, the weather’s too dark and depressing for me to delve into any deep thoughts.. unless they are provided courtesy of Mr, Jack Handey. "The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, 'Hey, I'm Vine Man.'" -- Jack Handey "Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny." -- Jack Handey The Darwin Awards I’d like to share with all of you one of my all-time favorite websites… ‘The Darwin Awards’ . It is, as they say: "Where Evolution Hits the Pavement". Where they ''salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who remove themselves from it.'' This website makes you think that maybe, all those ‘How to for dummies’ books should be burned in order to accelerate the process of Natural Selection. In that vain, have you seen these warning labels? Bag of airline peanuts: "Caution: May Contain Peanuts" Package of batteries: "Batteries Not Included" Spear gun: "Do not point directly at face." Vacuum cleaner hose: "Keep Away From Penis" Box of animal crackers: "No animals were harmed during the manufacture of this product." Bag of potato chips: "Due to the law of averages, some unbroken chips may accidentally be included in this package." Restaurant bathroom: "Employees must wash hands before spitting in customers' food" Ashton Kutcher videos: "May cause nausea, headache or drowsiness." Box of Miracle-Gro plant food: "Not meant to be used on penis." Bottle of French dressing: «Apprenez svp à parler une langue étrangère, bâtards américains paresseux.» Cellular telephones: "Frequent use of this product while driving is encouraged by the American Organ Donor Consortium." Political campaign speeches: "Any claims or promises are meant as entertainment only and do not represent actual product performance." ATM machines: "Please Do Not Insert Penis" Florida voting ballots: "Not Legally Binding" The Bill of Rights: "May be modified, suspended or discontinued at any time without notice or liability." SUV gas caps: "A donation in your name has been forwarded to al-Q'aeda." ShredCo Industrial Penis Slicer: "Not Recommended for Use on Hot Dogs, Sausages or Cucumbers" Allright, I’ll admit it.. those are not actually real.. but they should be! (snarf)... So…. Here are a few real (seriously.. would I lie to you??!!.. don’t answer that, it was a rhetorical question!) actual, for real warning labels: In the product description pamphlet and website for ZOLOFT: Used to treat: Depression ‘Some people taking Zoloft might have some side effects. The most common Zoloft side effects are dry mouth, insomnia, sexual side effects, diarrhea, nausea, and sleepiness.’ Let me get this straight…And we take this to eliminate depression? How does turning someone into a tired, thirsty insomniac who lives on the toilet and can’t have sex help to eliminate depression? ‘Studies show that Zoloft is not associated with weight gain, so you shouldn't gain weight because of Zoloft.’ No kidding.. vomiting and diarrhea usually take care of weight gain, no? Seen on certain Halloween costumes (Batman and Superman costumes to be precise): CAUTION: Does not enable user to fly. I don’t even know what to say about this. Are kids really this stupid? Besides, even the real Batman can’t fly. Compressed air-duster canister: Intentional misuse can be fatal. Can someone please tell me what misuse I can perform that will kill me if I do it intentionally, but won’t if I do it unintentionally? Mark and Spencer's Bread Pudding Product will be hot after heating. I thought that was the purpose… On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. Read comment above…. Baby stroller warning: Remove child before folding. I’m sorry, but if someone needs to be told this, and the child is theirs, hence it shares genes with said supreme specimen of idiocy.. it deserves to fall victim to Natural Selection… 'In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.’ -- Konrad Adenauer And in my kids say the darndest things category.. Thanks to my dear sweet friend Duckles, aka my Sweetpea, aka Galford’s best experiment, who sent me this: Proverbs A grade one teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by grade one kids (6 year-olds), because the last one is classic! Strike while the ... insect is close. Never underestimate the power of... ants. Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty. Better to be safe than... punch a grade 7 boy. If you lie down with dogs, you'll... stink in the morning. It's always darkest before... Daylight Saving Time. You can lead a horse to water but... how? No news is... impossible. A miss is as good as a... Mr. You can't teach an old dog new... maths. Love all, trust... me. The pen is mightier than the... pigs. An idle mind... is the best way to relax. Where there's smoke there's... pollution. Happy the bride who... gets all the presents. A penny saved is... not much. Two's company, three's... the Musketeers. Don't put off till tomorrow what you .. put on to go to bed. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have .... to blow your nose. There are none so blind as... Stevie Wonder. Children should be seen and not... smacked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries. You get out of something only what you... see in the picture on the box. When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way. Better late than... pregnant! Love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!