One year...

...and I can still feel her hands. They were warm til the end... but so frail. The hands that dressed me as a child. The hands that rolled dough to make Dad his favourite apple pie. The hands that wrote thoughtful notes in that handwriting of hers that was always so neat and even. The hands that craddled my daughter while she rocked her to sleep and held her for hours, rubbing my baby's back. The hands that comforted so many people as they struggled with loss, poverty, and all forms of hardships we are made to endure as we make our way through life. I can still see her lying on that bed with Pepe the parrot tucked in with her (he now sleeps with Chicklet every night). I hear her breathe... that's how I measured if it was going to be a good day or if she was going to be in a lot of pain. I remember the feel of the chair at the end of her bed. The chair I slept in every night in case she needed something, to be there to help the orderlies on the night shift when came time to change her and shift her to the other side. I remember... My mother was my safe harbor... she comforted me when I was sick with Chicken pox and had to stay home while I could hear my friends playing outside. She was my rock when I thought maybe something was wrong with my baby's precious heart. She stood by me when my marriage fell apart. I still need her. I still miss her. I posted this song the night my mother joined the ranks of the angels... it's a song for her, for me, for my daughter.

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."- Charlie Chaplin

I promised myself and a few people I would try and share more… a New Years resolution of sorts.. since this might be my final post for this year I thought I’d get off to a running start… Maybe this post will make it to the blog... we’ll see... at least I’m writing it. Yesterday evening, three generations sat in a room and laughed together watching television. Nothing special about that usually, I mean families do that every day somewhere on this big planet of ours. The difference is that we didn’t watch in the family room, or the den, or the living room… we watched in the room my mother will most likely die in. We watched, we laughed, and that room felt like home. Who better than The Tramp himself to pull that off. My mother watched and remembered times gone by, my daughter discovered the timeless genious of Charlie Chaplin and Life on Easy Street and I watched them both. And smiled. Hope you enjoy these… I know I always will… Les temps modernes Charlie Chaplin The Kid 1921 For those of you not intimate with the full contents of the Luggage Hold, my mother has been in an extended care facility for some months now. A colorectal cancer we thought had gone into remission has spread. She had surgery some time ago, but the cancer had too strong a hold and this past year metastases were found on her lungs and thyroid. Chemotherapy was attempted but was not successful and her condition did not improve. All efforts to treat her were stopped this fall. Now… the focus is on controlling the pain. I’ve taken off work since the week prior to Christmas to spend as much time with her as possible during the holidays, doing what I can to see that she is comfortable. She has been fighting and hanging on to the surprise of some of the staff … I don’t know what her unfinished business is, I don’t think I’ll ever know (love you Lee Ann). The weekend before Christmas we didn’t even think she would make it to her birthday on the 21st, let alone Christmas, but she fights… and I’ll take every day I have. Two days ago Mom was in a deep sleep. I sat there as my daughter zipped around the halls of the infirmary making friends with people right and left, bringing smiles and laughter, in her Grandmother’s wheelchair. My Chicklet has been racing one of the residents and beating him every time. Then a wave of sorrow came over me, an ache… I honestly thought my mother might be slipping into a coma.. I’d been warned this could happen.. I feared I would never again see her open her eyes and smile at me. My daughter and I had been there all afternoon, dinner came and went… I waited... Finally Mom woke up as I was stroking her hair… and smiled. BestAudioCodes.com Je t’aime Maman… I love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes.