The power of words - a rant... be warned!

Why is it people seem to feel an urge to give advice to others? Why is it they take the power of words for granted? Be warned I’m going to rant… this is not a funny and light post… I’m not in a funny light mood! I’ve witnessed comments that reflect double standards, people not minding their own business offering advice when it is unsolicited, and opinions given where they are unwarranted and it annoys the hell out of me. Now, don’t get me wrong… I’ve not actually been the recipient of said comments, but I’ve witnessed them or have been told of them. And there’s nothing wrong with words of encouragement in response to a post about what one is going through, be it by sharing experience or just offering support. They are godsends and are a reflection of the truly caring nature of the human soul. It’s one thing to offer words of encouragement when one of our group or someone puts something out into the bloggosphere. We’ve formed little groups and communities of folks who although many have never met, have become as close as possible without physical proximity… and in some cases closer because the little bit of anonymity that is preserved through that absence of contact allows for declarations, confessions of things we might not actually say to those around us at times.. So many of the people I’ve met online, either through Soul Patrol or my adventures in blogging have become touchstones when I just need to get something out (an urge that does not happen very often). I cherish the support given by those who venture to comment when I decide to put something personal out there. But when we seem to get it in our heads that we have the answers to questions that aren’t even asked of us and proceed to dish out said unwanted advice, it makes me want to throw my hands up in the air. And after I do, I feel the need to don the Riot Pants that some are familiar with. It’s not that it isn’t well meaning, but some comments can hurt as words are very powerful and should be used wisely. We all make mistakes... but when someone asks us to drop a subject... drop the subject. On another note… here’s the double standard rant... Sorry, but when I get in this kind of mood.. I can’t help myself. This is a weight issue is if you’re sensitive to this you might not want to read on… Let’s keep this is mind… Anorexia and bulimia are pervasive and life-threatening illnesses. Just as it can be deemed inappropriate to make “fat” jokes people need to be careful about “give the girl a sammich” comments. As I wrote this I was sitting in my mother’s room. She was nothing but skin and bones…Why? Not because someone didn’t feed her a “sammich”... but because she was dying of cancer, as my regular readers know. Thyroid problems, addictions, cancer, and stress are all medical (and the list is not exhaustive) causes for dramatic weight loss… It’s uncomfortable for some people to see someone that falls into the “too-thin” category. The scope of this category is different depending on your mind set. I am the mother of a young girl, and I hope to build her self-esteem to a point that she realizes her worth has nothing to do with her weight. Now maybe if we all worked toward this goal we wouldn’t even care if someone is a size 2 or 22. You know that “society” we like to blame for being responsible for these body issues? The ever present “them” and the infamous “they”? Well guess what.. WE ARE SOCIETY. I want my daughter healthy. Believe me I’m VERY aware that without health, NOTHING matters. As long as she is at a healthy weight for her bone and muscle structure... and not at an extreme of the weight scale with the medical issues it brings on, then I don’t care. I’ll smack anybody who tells me: “easy for you to say… you’re thin!” My frame is in great part the result of genetics... and a very nervous metabolism… is no where near perfect (cause that doesn’t exist) but I’m healthy and that’s all I care about. People who are “too thin” may be in that state for a plethora of reasons… if they are ill the last thing they need to help them with their recovery is to be saddled with body image issues… (for some reason the issue gets more attention in relation to women – I’m leaving that alone for now). If the illness is one that has important psychological causes (anorexia, depression, bulimia), then how are you helping them by making comments like “give the girl a sammich”? If you are a close friend.. maybe it is your place to comment if it can help save their life.. if you are a stranger… it can be hurtful and falls under the none of your damn business category. And is just as rude as a fat joke… By the way, such comments, if they come from concern, should be made privately… public finger pointing and humiliation and harmful. And now part three… This one also falls under the “words are powerful” category. Humour can hurt. Recently, as I was sitting at my mother’s wake, one of my dear friends was deeply hurt by what one person meant as a “harmless” joke in a chat room. The upheaval that ensued is something I’m glad I missed. It lead to e-mails, hurt, anger and a chat room closing. All because of two words that when put together should not, in my opinion, be used as a joke. The person who signed on using that particular moniker ( that I shall not repeat) had no idea that it would cause so much hurt.. it’s nothing to be laughed about regardless, but it’s potency was amplified by the recent events a member of my “family by choice” has gone through. (Sweetie, I heard about your loss and I keep you in my thoughts.) Some comedians make a living off topics that are “offensive” and it’s their right, and if you don’t like that particular brand of comedy then you don’t go to their gigs, you don’t watch their HBO special and you tune out. But people have a choice about whether or not they wish to subject themselves to it. Does it fall under the category of free speech? Maybe… Should someone like Michael Richards be drawn and quartered for using the word he did in a comedy club? I’m not going to decide that… Who is the keeper of the moral barometer to which we can hold words up to? Not me. All I can say is… think before you speak or write and ask yourself: Should I? Can I hurt someone? Is this too important for me to let be? Do I really need to say this? I know I asked myself these questions and you must know the answer since I’m posting this. I feel much better now. If you made it this far and aren’t offended, thank you for reading.. If this post upset you… maybe you should have paid attention to my warning… and you should have clicked the “next blog” button but, thank you for reading. I won’t apologize. It’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it… this is my space after all and not a public forum or chat room. And if someone says something that hurts you personally, you might want to tell them privately and resolve the issue without dragging others into it and making them feel uncomfortable. I normally wouldn’t post this kind of public rant, but the purpose is to provoke thought… feel free to agree or not. But be respectful. Love you all more than my luggage! Hugs, smooches and gropes!