Anndi's Luggage: Resolve
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Location: Somewhere near Montreal, Quebec, Canada

If somebody doesn't believe in me, I can't believe in them.

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Sunday, October 14, 2007

Resolve



I once said I felt like Wile E. Coyote entering that tunnel in search of the bright light, hoping that what I find is that illustrious sweet thing we all look for, be it Love, Peace, Salvation, relief from a pain in the ass, a juicy bird… hoping against all hope I won’t end up as the hood ornament of a fast moving, obliterating train. I know... trains don’t have hoods. But since figurehead is for ships and I have no clue what the appropriate terminology for a train thingy is (as the locomotive at work had no such adornments) I went for a universally recognizable illustration of my thoughts… (and I haven’t written in a while so cut me some slack wouldya!).

I have such a pain in the ass in my life right now, and no matter how hard I try to get rid of it, it seems I can’t. There is no equivalent to tomato juice for the skunk stink (wooo say THAT five times fast) that is this pain (oh, by the way, that doesn’t work). And it seems I will be stuck with it for a while. Now a less gentle and unenlightened former version of myself would have liked (squeeeed at the thought actually) to dissolve said pain in the ass. But I’ve come to realize that if I do, if I succumb to the devil on my shoulder, that wretched waste of carbon wins (well, what would be left of him). Basically, it boils down to this: I have integrity and I will hold true to my commitments and act like a responsible adult (someone has to and it’s clearly not going to be THIS person). If he can’t wrap his two brain cells around the fact that the world is not in a conspiracy against him (really, the world has far better things to do – washing hair, raking fallen leaves, organizing the sock drawer) and that what happens to him is his own doing, then he’ll continue to be a sad hollow unfortunate shell of a human being. He sets himself up for bad things to happen; and then he blames everyone else for his actions… ALWAYS! And I, for one, am not teaching my child THAT. And I won’t be engulfed by it either… my resolve is great and unwavering. It might not be a cake walk (did Travis just perk up?), but then in the last year I’ve been through so much, I’m not about to let anything or anyone stop me now.

There are some tremendously good and delicious things going on in my life right now… my Chicklet and I are spending a great deal of time together, I feel loved and appreciated by a wondrous man, I have a spectacular friends and despite the shitstorm, I have HOPE. There are people out there that aren’t just out to use me, use my family.

A very kind person sent me an e-mail a short while back and his words gave me comfort when nothing else anyone said could as he’s been through some of the sorrow my father is experiencing. Thank you my friend, hugs go out to you. And thanks for the use of this song.

Love you all more than my luggage.
Hugs, smooches and gropes!

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Comments on "Resolve"

 

Blogger Gail said ... (10:34 AM) : 

Twinny -

I am in your corner...

Fight for the good things, don't let ANYONE drag you down. You can do it, babe! And while you are, take notes for me...I think I'm gonna need em.

Love you!!

 

Blogger Turnbaby said ... (2:39 PM) : 

I don't know sugar--dissolving does have it benefits;-)

I love you sweetie and I know you have the strength and will to persevere. Your Chicklet will be eternally grateful for the examples you give her of courage and fortitude.

Smooch

 

Blogger Travis said ... (2:48 PM) : 

There's more good on the horizon for you than there is bad in the rear view mirror.

And if the shit storm looks like it's gaining on you, just turn the fan up higher and let it blow that crap away.

Hugs.

 

Blogger Dana said ... (7:40 PM) : 

:hugs and smooches:

 

Blogger Sparky Duck said ... (8:51 AM) : 

way to fight off the need to turn some people into a black stain.

 

Blogger Dixiechick said ... (12:58 PM) : 

Yes my dear you do have a wonderful man in your life and Alice has a wonderful mom!

SMOOCHES~

 

Blogger Jonathan said ... (1:43 PM) : 

I feel loved and appreciated by a wondrous man

Thanks for the kind words! It's all that cowbell I get here.

Oh, wait...you're talking about someone else, aren't you?

Uh...well...um...never mind! Um...carry on, then! :-p

 

Blogger Desert Songbird said ... (5:05 PM) : 

What Travis said.

Seriously, I think we all have much more control over our lives than we think we do. We have control over how we react to adversity in our lives. If we don't allow the shit storm to overtake us, then it won't, right?

There are times when I wallow and feel sorry for myself; that's human nature. But I'll be damned if I cede power over my life to someone else!

Hugs and prayers to you, sweet Ann. Don't let the storm chase you down!

 

Blogger Bond said ... (9:22 AM) : 

You know my feelings on this situation, so to put them here is redundant...You also know that you have a friend to vent to whenever you need....
And in the end it is the love of Chicklet and the wonderous (HEY THAT'S MY WORD!!!! HEHEEH) man to keep the smile on your face!

HUGS Sweet Friend

 

Blogger Twyla said ... (10:08 PM) : 

Sorry you're going through rough times. Hugs to you.

 

Blogger Anndi said ... (6:43 AM) : 

Gail: Love you twinny.. nice to have you with me (you should come visit).

Turnbaby: You've seen me through lot.. thank you.

Travis: I'm focusing on the good... thanks bro!

Dana: my precious friend...

Sparky: it's worth a try...

Dixie: What would I do without my big sis! I'm focused on my blessings...

Jonathan: well I always did appreciate that mug of yours... SMOOCH (Thanks for making me smile my dear!)

Songbird: Your kind words and prayers mean a great deal, and you inspire me so much. You show great strength. Hugs to you...

Bond: Thank you for being the loving supportive friend that you are... (is not neither your word... it was in the dictionnary)

Twyla: Thanks dear, we all have our burdens to bear... guess I'll test out the old saying: "What does not kill me makes me stronger"!

 

Blogger Meribah said ... (7:38 PM) : 

I don't know what's going on in your life, but I know that it is always better to concentrate on the good things rather than the bad. Keep your chin up and remember that we love you. Glomptackles and ear licks to you! :)

 

Blogger Julie said ... (1:27 AM) : 

Yeah....it's tough...but you know what dear? When you look back and realize how well you DID handle this bitch of a situation you will utter a self confidant sigh and Alice will become even more certain that she has the best momma alive!

I LOVE this song! I'm gonna play it again...does that cost extra?

**hugs**

 

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